Don't Think, Just Do

Write down all the things that you are good at and your positive traits.  On a separate piece, write down everything that you are self-conscience about but leave space between them.  Now, go through each negative and write what you are going to do to fix it.  If it is a physical problem then you are going to realize that it could be much worse and you are lucky to be the way you are.  If you still can’t seem to get over, you will talk to a friend about it.  As for the positives, you will be constantly basking in these and appending to this list whenever possible.  You should be able to almost recite them off the top of your head if you were to be spontaneously asked.  The last thing you have to now write down is all the compliments you can remember getting.  Now that you know where you stand and you have a plan of attack let’s look at the other ways that you can boost your confidence and keep it up.

Positivity – You need to see the good in things.  If you get laid off, be excited to start a new job; don’t be depressed you lost your old one, same thing with girlfriends.  If you crash your car, be thankful it wasn’t worse and be thankful that you are still alive.  Whenever something negative happens to you just ask yourself, “What are the good things that have come out of this, or that can come out of this?” In some situations, it will be tough to find any good, but you have to keep a positive attitude at all times.  Smile!

Become a Conversationalist – Being able to communicate well will not only boost your confidence, but it will do great things for you in general.  Check out the Conversation Model to see some tips on how to be a great conversationalist.

Bragging and – Bragging should be avoided at all times because it makes you look desperate.  If you have done something impressive, my rule is to not bring it up in conversation.  If it something impressive, someone else will bring it up.  Don’t go out of your way to avoid the topic, just don’t go over the top and dominate conversation with it.  Acknowledge your greatness and let it pass.

Equals – Treat everyone as your equal.  Don’t talk down to someone who is worse off than you and don’t suck up to those that are above you, I don’t care if you’re talking to the President.  You will stay on your level and you will assume that everyone else is on that level with you.

Calling People Out – Calling people out can make you look like an ass.  It also makes you look insecure and argumentative.  Try to stay out of it when people are being idiots, let them be wrong or make themselves look like idiots.  If they are addressing you, try to just let it go and not get upset.  If you can throw out a quick sentence calmly that will prove them wrong and shut them up, then do so, otherwise you want to stay in control at all times.  This will help your confidence because the whole time they are spewing out nonsense you will know they are the idiots here and you don’t even have to say anything because you are so far above their level.  On a side point (you probably already know this), never talk about someone behind their back, no matter what.  If other people are having a harsh conversation about someone, you can listen, because it’s good to know where people stand, but do not partake.  The only exception would be if someone had a genuine problem and you were worried about them and want to help them.

Hygiene and Clothing – It’s difficult to be confident when you are worried what you look like, so do everything you can to look your best.  Keep your facial hair neat or shaved, keep your hair neat and under control, shower once or twice daily, shampoo, soap, condition, keep fingernails short, clean ears frequently, and I’m sure there is a lot I’ve missed here but you get the idea.  As for clothing, try to dress fashionably.  Get some nice Ralph Lauren t-shirts or polo’s, nice jeans and snazzy shoes for a good casual look.  Keep it classy, but if you can’t afford to buy the expensive brands, still strive for fashionable.  Keep in mind, do not wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable.  If you’re just not bold enough to wear a bright pink shirt yet, then don’t worry about it, you’ll get there.  Cologne is always good too.  I usually go with Hugo Boss, the old Nautica or a Ralph Lauren Black or Blue.  If there is an attractive women in the cologne booth be sure to ask for her opinion on what she would want her boyfriend wearing and take her advice.  Obviously, if you want beautiful women to like what you smell like, it is in your best interest to have the opinion of one when you are making your choice.

Helping Others – There is nothing like helping out someone who is in need.  This will boost your self confidence tremendously.  It always makes us feel good to be able to help others.  Try to do something nice every day, make people smile and it will make you smile.

Fake It Till You Make It – Sometimes just pretending that you are extremely confident over time will actually make you extremely confident.  The mind is a very powerful thing and can change the way you feel depending on the thoughts that you have, so if you give it thoughts that you are a confident person, then, in time, you will become a confident person.  You can create self visualizations in your head that will help your outlook on yourself.  When you daydream, daydream about your greatness and how great you are.  Picture yourself running into a burning building and saving some helpless old lady and her 13 cats.  Things like this will, in time, boost your confidence and have you never doubting yourself.

Do Good Work – Obviously, easier said than done.  But, if you strive to really do your best and do a good job in whatever it is you’re doing, you are bound to be complimented on it multiple times and that will obviously do great things for your confidence.  Be careful with this one though.  If you are doing something and hyping up in your mind that everyone is going to love this and you are going to be a hero you are leaving yourself a little vulnerable because there is a chance no one notices and does not compliment you.  This does not mean you did a bad job, this just means that they are too occupied with their own lives to notice what you’ve done.  So when doing something, be sure that you are doing it for yourself, doing something for yourself alone should give you enough reason to do it well.

Self-Image, Literally – Every time you look in the mirror think “Damn, I am good looking!”  Give yourself a smile and walk away with a smile.

Jealousy – Jealousy is useless.  If you find yourself idolizing someone, don’t let it be out of jealousy.  Analyze your idol, what does he or she have that you don’t, whether it be traits or not?  Are practically attainable for you?  If so, how can you go about achieving them?  If they are not attainable, take on the thought process of “Wow, he really is lucky to have [enter quality here].”  It’s not that he or she is better than you, they just got lucky.  But out of normal people, you are the best.

Being Insulted – Usually, if someone is insulting you, they are insecure themselves, just keep that in mind.  But, since we don’t really care about them and we’re not going to waste time thinking about them and how inferior they are let’s focus on you.  Was the insult true?  If so, we’re going to take it as constructive criticism and try to work on it.  Otherwise, who cares, they are the ones that look like the asshole.  You were the one who was calm cool and collected.  Another good way to handle insults is to keep loyal friends around.  They will often stick up for you, making you even more confident.  Not only are you then in a cool calm state, but you show that your friends think highly enough of you to take an insult to you personally and be willing to jump in front of the verbal bullet for you.

Keep Up – Keep up with your tasks.  A confident person is on top of their shit so they don’t have to constantly be thinking about it and worrying.  I’d suggest making to-do lists.  If you seem to procrastinate on those then make daily schedules and schedule time to do these tasks.  If you can’t find the motivation to do them I suggest you read Steve Pavlina’s article on self-discipline.

Exercise and Health – You will feel better about yourself if you feel better!  A lot of people don’t realize that exercise and diet can completely change you.  You will have more energy so you will be able to do more exciting things.  Also, you will feel better, which will make you happier, which will make you more outgoing, which will make people want to be around you more, which will… You see where I am going with this.  Not to mention that this will help you to have a better self image, obviously very important to self confidence.  You will be more confident in your looks and you will be more confident in your abilities.  If you don’t take care of yourself, then you probably don’t care about yourself.  So let’s start taking really good care of our bodies.

Goals – We all have dreams and aspirations that were lost somewhere along the way.  Let’s try to reconnect with those and get our foot in the door.  For me, I had a goal for a couple years to research women and make a website to help all those that are struggling with them.  Here I am.  I’ve knocked off two of the major aspects of having great confidence by going through with my goal.  Achieving things that you’ve wanted to do for a long period of time is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself.  It gives your confidence proof that you can do what you set your mind to.

Learning and Self Development – Take the time to learn new things.  Learning new things will make you more knowledgeable, more interesting and keep your mind sharp.  This can also be tied in with achieving goals because learning a specific topic could be a personal goal of yours.  Take up piano, learn Italian, whatever you want to do, just get to it!  I’m not too worried about this though, if you’ve made it this far down one of my monster articles, you obviously are interested in bettering yourself.

Positive Reinforcement – I didn’t realize I did this until one of my friends commented on it.  I always step back from whatever I’ve done and make a comment that is somewhere along the lines of “I am the shit.”  I may not say it out loud, but I guess you can tell that I am approving of my own work by the way I step back and look at it.  Looking at things you have done and seeing that it was great will reinforce your skills positively.

Surround Yourself with Good People – You need to be in the company of the best.  Successful people have a knack for surrounding themselves with truly great people.  If you have good people around you, then, as a group, you will be an unstoppable force.  You will do exciting and great things and you won’t fail in the things you want to do.  You should also be the leader of your group.  Be the one that makes the plans, drives to wherever you are all going, has his house as the meeting place and calls the shots.  To establish yourself as a leader, you should always be the one to make the plans and then you should keep the details to yourself and just take care of matters, I think I might write more about this in the future.  Now you are the leader of a group of highly confident and capable people, making you a very powerful man.

Posture – Posture is key.  Without good posture, no matter how confident you are, you will physically appear less confident.  Sit up, keep your head up, walk smoothly with your hands at your side, keep your hands out of your pockets, ect.  Pretty much, what you are going for here is James Bond.  Everything he does, he does confidently.  You never see James Bond reaching his hand out to do something and have any hesitation.  He does things, clear cut and he walks, stands and sits with confidence, always.  Notice people around you, ask yourself if they look confident and why or why not.  Try to adopt the confident traits you see in others.

Time – Spend time, a lot of time on what I have laid out here.  If you honestly take what I have put here to heart and spend time on yourself, your reward will be priceless.  It will take a lot of effort and time, but please, for you, put the time in to do this.  And of course, if you do something, do it right.  Don’t cut corners, see it through.

Let me know how you guys do with this!  And as always, have fun!