Don't Think, Just Do

I have recently been interested in the whole notion of “class.”  We hear about it all the time and it is obviously a good trait to have.   This is where I will differ from a lot of other people who give tips out about women.  I am an advocate of being classy in front of women.  I don’t know where it was lost down the line, but swearing or being rude to a woman is out of the question.  Sure, you can use things like negs and not honor her every request to show her you are in charge, but you have to do it in a respectable way.  You can let loose and swear in front of your friends, but let’s keep it a class act for when you are out meeting new people, especially women.  For women, being classy is very difficult, especially when it comes to attire and being seduced.  For men, being classy is most difficult when it comes to seducing women.  Before we get into the details of class in these senses, let’s get a sense of what class entails.

• Hygienic – Keep yourself tidy, trimmed nails, clean ears, neat hair (including facial), neat cloths (preferably stylish, grab some Ralph Lauren or something), shine your shoes if you can, ect. ect.
• Confident – Read this
• Under Control – Keep your cool in all situations, don’t let things shake you up.  If you spill your drink, you are not going to freak out.  If someone tries to start a fight, you are not going to accept and you are going to try and talk the problem out, calm and cool.  Anything that could happen, you have to be calm and cool, under control at all times.
• Choose Your Friends Wisely – Crazy friends = not classy.  Slutty friends = not classy.  I’m not saying you can’t be friends with those types of people if you indeed are, I’m just saying that you might not want to go out with them on all occasions.
• Be Polite – Be polite, especially to whoever owns the place you’re in or works at the place you’re in (this means tipping generously as well).  But remember, this doesn’t mean you are going to be a push over, don’t put yourself in a position of harm for others.  Weigh the pros and cons of your services to others, make business decisions.
• Keep Up to Date – Make sure to be reading the news papers and have a good sense of what is going on around you
• Don’t Talk Politics or Religion – This is important, they are conversation no-nos.  If it is brought up, do your best to steer the conversation in another direction without being rude.
• Be a Conversationalist – Last but undoubtedly not least, this is one of the keys to being a classy person
• Knowledge? – Some may argue that you need knowledge of fine wine, sailing, and cigars as well.  I’m not sure if I completely agree with that.  I believe if you follow the above steps, and you act as a true gentleman then you will have class.  I have seen men who are dirt poor have more class than a rich prick.  Some might say that the poor man has no class, you might even think that, and I am fine to agree to disagree on that topic.

Now that we have some basic ground rules we can take a look at what this has to do with dating.  How are you supposed to seduce a woman while you are being this complete gentleman?  Subtly, that’s how.  A gentleman can be overly nice to her friend, making her a little jealous.  A gentleman can position himself away from her a little bit, showing disinterest.  Then, when she starts showing some interest we can do things like showing it with our eye contact.  Put yourself in her shoes, this classy man has the confidence to be staring right back at her looking her in the eye (letting the woman break eye contact first, because that is what confident men do) while engaged in conversation.  You know she is going to be attracted to that.  Class is just one more notch on the key of knowledge that will unlock the door for you.

Good luck with this, and as always, have fun!

If you are looking to find a sophisticated woman, you should try to be well read.  Look into reading some of the more popular books around.  Go to the bookstore and ask a cute girl what she likes to read.  You should also be subscribing yourself to a few magazines.  I personally read Maxim, Men’s Health, Money, Sports Illustrated, Esquire, and GQ.  I also get a couple news papers from my area.  Now, obviously I do not read all of these magazines cover to cover.  But I try to stay up to date on what’s going on (the news papers are the best for that) and stay up to date on what is hot in pop culture (women will be in most cases), along with always having a book going.  This will put us in a position to be able to relate with people (not just women) a lot more frequently.  If you can sneak some peaks into a Cosmo or something (without losing too much manhood), do so.

You might be thinking that is way too much reading.  My approach was to cut out TV.  I believe that TV is one of the major wastes of time.  Obviously, this is a catch 22 because you won’t be able to relate to people that watch all the hot shows.  That is why I invested in Tivo.  I pick one show to watch and Tivo it (The Daily Show with John Stewart).  That way I don’t waste time on commercials.

I was witnessing some behavior last night that bothered me a little bit.  It was actually my friend talking to a girl.  He was lying his ass off.  A lot of guys do this, I don’t understand why.  You have to realize that most people, especially women, will see right through this or will at least get a vibe of self-consciousness coming from you.  You want to avoid lying at all costs.  I’m not saying you have to answer every question they want with the cold hard embarrassing or incriminating facts.  Be a politician, dance around the answer.  It’s generally a good rule of thumb to be a little mysterious anyway, just don’t lie.  If you feel the need to conceal information, then answer truthfully but just don’t give out the information you want to keep hidden.  Who cares if the answer doesn’t exactly answer the question, but do try to make it as close as possible or at least change the subject to something that they have to respond to, otherwise you run the risk of being called out.  Adopting this rule will make things greatly easier for you with women and in any other aspect of social life.

It is almost always true that behind every great man is a great woman.  I come from a successful family.  My father successfully built up his own business from nothing and gained financial success and respect among his colleagues and piers.  I give him massive amounts of credit for this, but it would not have been possible without a truly great woman on his team.  My mother was the glue that held everything together.  We were faced with poverty and numerous challenges that my mother would take care of while my father was away.  Now they both have fancy cars, a beautiful home, a second home on an island, a very fast boat, ownership of a valuable business, investments into numerous promising businesses, and two successful sons whom they paid in full to be educated at fine institutions.  This is no light task in my mind.  I feel I am truly blessed to be in a position where I will never feel the poverty that my parents once did, even while I was in college.  But enough about that, let’s talk about why you need a great woman at your side, what qualities to look for, where to find her, and how to be with her.

The reason you need a great woman at your side is easy to see.  She will contribute instead of drain.  If you have a woman that has no particular skill set, then you are going to have to, not only handle everything yourself, but, take care of her as well.  This can be a drain on you and lead to unhappiness, so let’s avoid this.  Also, not to say a run of the mill woman won’t have fun doing nothing all day, but it is more likely that an exceptional woman will have a particular skill set that is beneficial to your partnership and she enjoys.  If she is doing something she enjoys, then she is going to be happy, you are going to be happy, sounds good.  I’m sure you can see that the possibilities for having a good partner is essential to your happiness and success, so I’ll move on.

Here are some qualities that we’re looking for (not necessarily in order, you have to figure out which traits will compliment yours, and when I say compliment, I mean make up for):

• Organized
• Educated (well, good grades go a long way)
• Street Smart
• People Person (Well Liked)
  • Good Communicator
• Positive (This one is more important than most think.  Going home to a negative person everyday would suck and have you thinking negatively)
• Flexible (Not literally, unless you’re into that)
• Honest
• Trustworthy (obviously this is extremely important)
• Confident
• Open-Minded
• Intuition
• Generous
• In Love with You (Hate to drop the “L” word, but if you honestly expect her to be on your team and persevere through all the crap you both will have to go through, there needs to be some love)

Of course, there are plenty of other characteristics that we could put down here, but I think you get the idea.  You are pretty much looking for a Little Goody Two-Shoes that has all the characteristics that, hopefully, balance out your shortcomings.  If you are bad at paying bills, then you probably want a teammate that is good at paperwork and is organized.  If you are not comfortable in social situations and do not like to go out, then an outgoing extravert is probably in order for you.  There are some traits that you will need no matter what.  I think they are easy to pick out, like honesty, education, street smarts ect. ect.

Where do we find a girl like this?  Church (only if you are religious!!!), bookstores, high class sporting events (tennis, equestrian, golf, ect.), college (only if you are still in college…  and not at a party, check the library or get in some high level classes and look around), she’ll be the one who is in control at a party that is full of drunks, coffee shops, and the business world (be careful not to overstep your bounds here and try not to every work at the same place as your partner).  I don’t mean to say that if you go to these places every single woman you meet will be great, obviously, you have to do a little sifting for yourself.

Getting with this type of woman is no different than any other women.  You have to show that you are of great value and that you are wanted by women and well liked by men.  You need to show that you can hold a great conversation and that you are completely confident.  The part that differs from most women here is how to keep them.  Unlike most women, that you are mostly physically attracted to, this woman is not only physically attractive, but mentally attractive.  She will not be interested in the games that lesser women partake in.  You will need genuine flattery, but do not be clingy.  Show her that you care, but in a 3^rd party way.  Send flowers to her work so all her co-workers can see.  She’ll love the jealousy that all her co-workers will feel with that one.  You need to make her feel important and you need to do everything you can to make sure she is having fun with you no matter what.  Go out of your way to see her, it will show her that you really are sincere and not just trying to pick her up.  This type of woman is not looking for a fling (in most cases), and you shouldn’t be either if you’ve found one, so don’t portray it that way!

Don’t think you are going to get a great woman if you are not a great man yourself.  They will see right though you and move on to the next man waiting in their long line.  Don’t look at this negatively, look at it as just yet another reason why you should be constantly improving yourself.

This is a tough topic, but I think it can honestly make or break your entire life.  Finding a compatible and great woman is extremely important to your success and happiness in the long run.  So, once you are done philandering about, look high and low for one of these women.  If you find one, do everything you can to get her, and keep her.  If you are having troubles with getting or keeping one that you’ve found, contact me, I can help, I grew up with one (my mother) and now I have one of my own.   Have fun!

Everyone wants to be around exciting people.  They draw crowds because everyone wants to hear their exciting stories about their awesome lives.  Don’t you wish you were one of those people?  Let’s see if we can’t make that dream come true.

Exciting people do indeed live more exciting lives than your average man, but their excitement is also created by them just being naturally exciting.  They tend to be very good story tellers and are generally charismatic people. Here are some tactics that can be used to create a more exciting aura.

Be Animated – Use your hands when you talk to emphasize your point, be generally in motion and animated.  But, be careful with this.  If you are jumping around like a fool you will surely be exited, but that is just not the excitement we are looking for.  We’re looking for the excitement that others will envy, we want them laughing with you, not at you.  So use your animations to emphasize points, but don’t go overboard and try to resist the temptation of going further and further with your animations just because they are getting laughs, there is a good chance they are not the laughs we’re looking for.

Be Interesting – Try to keep your eyes open to new topics.  An interesting person is interested in what other people have to say and is constantly learning and broadening their vast wealth of knowledge, keeping up with current issues.  Try to master the skill of playing the devil’s advocate.  See the positives and negatives of any side of an argument.  This will help you to understand what other people are saying.  Then, when you listening to someone say something repeat the underlying meaning you get from them back to them to make sure you fully understand what they were talking about.  If they used specific vocabulary, try to use that.  For example if they say “beach house” don’t use “cottage” use “beach house” it helps you relate to them better.  The other purpose of repeating the meaning you get from someone’s conversation is that you were actually listening; they will appreciate it and will have a greater opinion of you.  Learning interesting things to talk about is great too, like piano or photography, and can have you have a special connection with people that share your hobby instantly.  The more hobbies you have the better.

Stories – Over time, you will have life experiences that are worth sharing.  Mastering the art of storytelling can quickly make you the main attraction at any event.  A good story is gold.  Obviously, you need interesting experiences to tell interesting stories; we’ll get to that in a few min.  First, let’s see what can be done to tell an awesome story.

• Begin and Finish Your Stories with A Bang – You want to immediately grab their attention and drag them into the story, and then when you are finished, you want to leave them with the best impression possible.  Naturally, this is easier said than done.  The key to the opening of a story is, first of all, to be speaking in a loud, clear voice and to have it unclear as to where the story is heading at all.  That will have them listening.  When you have them listening, you want to be building suspense, build on your main theme.  Then when you get to the ending, it should be something that is very much unexpected.
• Don’t Borrow – Don’t borrow stories if you can help it.  The whole “my friend” bit sucks, steer clear.
• Explain Facts – If you throw a fact out there, like “Danny is not a small person…”, try to explain it a little; it will add color to your story. For example, “When I say he isn’t small, I want you to picture this Goliath of a man getting into the back seat of my poor little Mini Cooper… ass first… wiggling that gargantuan planet of a behind in to my meager sitting space and then having his stomach mold like Play Doh to the back of the driver’s seat… only, it didn’t smell like Play Doh… and the kicker was the two Asians who barely spoke English already back there, as if they didn’t already judge us for being overweight as a country!…  Just picture that for a second… yeah… that’s what I said.  But, you should have seen the look on the faces of my two buddies in the back there, oh my word!  Priceless!…  I didn’t know Asians could open their eyes that wide.  Anyway…”  As opposed to saying, “So when he got in my car it was a little tight, to say the least.”  Throw out a fact, and then spice it up using the following three techniques.
• Imagery – Try to paint a picture of the scene you are trying to describe.  Look at the example from the bullet above, I purposely put in “just picture that” to show you that you should be giving enough detail to ask people to picture what you are saying.  I’m not saying you should do it every chance you get, in fact, I’d suggest you don’t do that.  But keep the imagery at the level where you would be comfortable in doing so.
• Pauses – You can’t just keep going and going.  Pause.  Again, look at the example a couple bullets up again.  Look at all the usages of the …, they are all pauses.  Pauses are your friend for three reasons, they will give you time to gather your thoughts and put together good sentences, will build anticipation and will slow your story down a little giving off a nice relaxed and confident vibe.
• Humor – Humor is always a good thing to use in a story.  Obviously, you want it to actually be funny though, otherwise you are going to just look like a loser.  Having humor in a story is actually very easy, the main concept is to produce something that is unexpected and out of the ordinary.  This can be like going into description of something odd much further than any man would normally and maybe using some fancy vocabulary while you’re at it.  If your story involves a funny situation, make sure to explain all the imagery in detail, again, some fancy vocabulary when talking about odd things goes a long way here.  Be careful who you insult.  The example I gave three bullets up should not be told in the presence of overweight or people of Asian descent unless you are good friends with them and know they won’t care.  In most cases, they won’t mind, but just be careful.
• So Much More – I could really just go on forever about stories.  The best way to really become a good story teller is practice.  You need to practice storytelling and tweak your stories to see what is most effective.  Remember to always know your audience and pick the most appropriate story to tell.

Relax – Stay relaxed.  Interesting people have this sense of mystery about them.  Being relaxed is a big part of that mystery.  It’s almost like you’ve seen it all before and nothing is out of the ordinary for you.  Just do all you can to stay calm cool and collected at all times and be… (See next bullet)

Confident – Well, I’ve written an article on this.  You can check it out here.

Gather Your Thoughts – Think before you speak.  Speak slowly, don’t rush it.  Speaking slower will have them hanging on to your words and at the same time it will give you t gather your thoughts.  Embrace pauses at the end of sentences.  Avoid blurting out a sentence that doesn’t make sense or comes out wrong by taking your time, pacing your speech and pausing after sentences naturally.

Listen – This was touched upon under being interesting, but, to reinforce because I think it is a major point, you must listen.  Listen to what others are saying, be genuinely interested and try to understand the true meaning of their opinion as described in the bulleted section above called “Be Interesting.”

Smile! – Smiling makes everyone around you more comfortable and happy, it’s contagious.  Make sure you are always happy, or at least portraying that you are happy.  No one is interested in talking to someone who is always down and making things generally depressing.  Be cheerful person and people will want to be around your uplifting attitude.

Being interesting is not all just about creating an interesting aura, it’s also about doing interesting things.  So what are some things that can spice up our lives?

• Hobbies – The more hobbies, the more you have to talk about and be excited about.  Do things that really get you out of your comfort zone.  Try Jiu Jitsu, imporv classes, or singing classes, something that gets you out there and a little uncomfortable, vulnerable.
• Travel – Travel every chance you get, the more makeshift the better.  Some of the best experiences of my life came when I was absolutely broke and traveling with friends.
• Sports – The sporting type of crowd is always an interesting one, and they are usually physical, so some crazy things can happened when you hang out with them.
• Make Plans - Don’t be the type of person that settles for just watching movies weekend after weekend, sure that is all good fun, but you can’t do it all the time.  Make plans to do something, whatever it is.
• Do Work You Enjoy – You, most likely, hang out with people you work a lot.  If you are excited about what you do, then you will be exited around them constantly and they will be excited by your exciting aura

Obviously, last but not least, I want to embrace spontaneity.  For some of you, this isn’t for you at all, but, personally, I enjoy a crazier lifestyle.  I do things spontaneously, sometimes legal, sometimes not, always fun.  Some of my most exciting memories ever have been completely crazy and completely spontaneous.  A lot of you will be reading this post solely to find out how to be like this and my advice is to be open minded.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Take every opportunity you can.  If you don’t think you have the balls to do it, remember… winners don’t think, they just do.

As always, have fun!

Write down all the things that you are good at and your positive traits.  On a separate piece, write down everything that you are self-conscience about but leave space between them.  Now, go through each negative and write what you are going to do to fix it.  If it is a physical problem then you are going to realize that it could be much worse and you are lucky to be the way you are.  If you still can’t seem to get over, you will talk to a friend about it.  As for the positives, you will be constantly basking in these and appending to this list whenever possible.  You should be able to almost recite them off the top of your head if you were to be spontaneously asked.  The last thing you have to now write down is all the compliments you can remember getting.  Now that you know where you stand and you have a plan of attack let’s look at the other ways that you can boost your confidence and keep it up.

Positivity – You need to see the good in things.  If you get laid off, be excited to start a new job; don’t be depressed you lost your old one, same thing with girlfriends.  If you crash your car, be thankful it wasn’t worse and be thankful that you are still alive.  Whenever something negative happens to you just ask yourself, “What are the good things that have come out of this, or that can come out of this?” In some situations, it will be tough to find any good, but you have to keep a positive attitude at all times.  Smile!

Become a Conversationalist – Being able to communicate well will not only boost your confidence, but it will do great things for you in general.  Check out the Conversation Model to see some tips on how to be a great conversationalist.

Bragging and – Bragging should be avoided at all times because it makes you look desperate.  If you have done something impressive, my rule is to not bring it up in conversation.  If it something impressive, someone else will bring it up.  Don’t go out of your way to avoid the topic, just don’t go over the top and dominate conversation with it.  Acknowledge your greatness and let it pass.

Equals – Treat everyone as your equal.  Don’t talk down to someone who is worse off than you and don’t suck up to those that are above you, I don’t care if you’re talking to the President.  You will stay on your level and you will assume that everyone else is on that level with you.

Calling People Out – Calling people out can make you look like an ass.  It also makes you look insecure and argumentative.  Try to stay out of it when people are being idiots, let them be wrong or make themselves look like idiots.  If they are addressing you, try to just let it go and not get upset.  If you can throw out a quick sentence calmly that will prove them wrong and shut them up, then do so, otherwise you want to stay in control at all times.  This will help your confidence because the whole time they are spewing out nonsense you will know they are the idiots here and you don’t even have to say anything because you are so far above their level.  On a side point (you probably already know this), never talk about someone behind their back, no matter what.  If other people are having a harsh conversation about someone, you can listen, because it’s good to know where people stand, but do not partake.  The only exception would be if someone had a genuine problem and you were worried about them and want to help them.

Hygiene and Clothing – It’s difficult to be confident when you are worried what you look like, so do everything you can to look your best.  Keep your facial hair neat or shaved, keep your hair neat and under control, shower once or twice daily, shampoo, soap, condition, keep fingernails short, clean ears frequently, and I’m sure there is a lot I’ve missed here but you get the idea.  As for clothing, try to dress fashionably.  Get some nice Ralph Lauren t-shirts or polo’s, nice jeans and snazzy shoes for a good casual look.  Keep it classy, but if you can’t afford to buy the expensive brands, still strive for fashionable.  Keep in mind, do not wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable.  If you’re just not bold enough to wear a bright pink shirt yet, then don’t worry about it, you’ll get there.  Cologne is always good too.  I usually go with Hugo Boss, the old Nautica or a Ralph Lauren Black or Blue.  If there is an attractive women in the cologne booth be sure to ask for her opinion on what she would want her boyfriend wearing and take her advice.  Obviously, if you want beautiful women to like what you smell like, it is in your best interest to have the opinion of one when you are making your choice.

Helping Others – There is nothing like helping out someone who is in need.  This will boost your self confidence tremendously.  It always makes us feel good to be able to help others.  Try to do something nice every day, make people smile and it will make you smile.

Fake It Till You Make It – Sometimes just pretending that you are extremely confident over time will actually make you extremely confident.  The mind is a very powerful thing and can change the way you feel depending on the thoughts that you have, so if you give it thoughts that you are a confident person, then, in time, you will become a confident person.  You can create self visualizations in your head that will help your outlook on yourself.  When you daydream, daydream about your greatness and how great you are.  Picture yourself running into a burning building and saving some helpless old lady and her 13 cats.  Things like this will, in time, boost your confidence and have you never doubting yourself.

Do Good Work – Obviously, easier said than done.  But, if you strive to really do your best and do a good job in whatever it is you’re doing, you are bound to be complimented on it multiple times and that will obviously do great things for your confidence.  Be careful with this one though.  If you are doing something and hyping up in your mind that everyone is going to love this and you are going to be a hero you are leaving yourself a little vulnerable because there is a chance no one notices and does not compliment you.  This does not mean you did a bad job, this just means that they are too occupied with their own lives to notice what you’ve done.  So when doing something, be sure that you are doing it for yourself, doing something for yourself alone should give you enough reason to do it well.

Self-Image, Literally – Every time you look in the mirror think “Damn, I am good looking!”  Give yourself a smile and walk away with a smile.

Jealousy – Jealousy is useless.  If you find yourself idolizing someone, don’t let it be out of jealousy.  Analyze your idol, what does he or she have that you don’t, whether it be traits or not?  Are practically attainable for you?  If so, how can you go about achieving them?  If they are not attainable, take on the thought process of “Wow, he really is lucky to have [enter quality here].”  It’s not that he or she is better than you, they just got lucky.  But out of normal people, you are the best.

Being Insulted – Usually, if someone is insulting you, they are insecure themselves, just keep that in mind.  But, since we don’t really care about them and we’re not going to waste time thinking about them and how inferior they are let’s focus on you.  Was the insult true?  If so, we’re going to take it as constructive criticism and try to work on it.  Otherwise, who cares, they are the ones that look like the asshole.  You were the one who was calm cool and collected.  Another good way to handle insults is to keep loyal friends around.  They will often stick up for you, making you even more confident.  Not only are you then in a cool calm state, but you show that your friends think highly enough of you to take an insult to you personally and be willing to jump in front of the verbal bullet for you.

Keep Up – Keep up with your tasks.  A confident person is on top of their shit so they don’t have to constantly be thinking about it and worrying.  I’d suggest making to-do lists.  If you seem to procrastinate on those then make daily schedules and schedule time to do these tasks.  If you can’t find the motivation to do them I suggest you read Steve Pavlina’s article on self-discipline.

Exercise and Health – You will feel better about yourself if you feel better!  A lot of people don’t realize that exercise and diet can completely change you.  You will have more energy so you will be able to do more exciting things.  Also, you will feel better, which will make you happier, which will make you more outgoing, which will make people want to be around you more, which will… You see where I am going with this.  Not to mention that this will help you to have a better self image, obviously very important to self confidence.  You will be more confident in your looks and you will be more confident in your abilities.  If you don’t take care of yourself, then you probably don’t care about yourself.  So let’s start taking really good care of our bodies.

Goals – We all have dreams and aspirations that were lost somewhere along the way.  Let’s try to reconnect with those and get our foot in the door.  For me, I had a goal for a couple years to research women and make a website to help all those that are struggling with them.  Here I am.  I’ve knocked off two of the major aspects of having great confidence by going through with my goal.  Achieving things that you’ve wanted to do for a long period of time is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself.  It gives your confidence proof that you can do what you set your mind to.

Learning and Self Development – Take the time to learn new things.  Learning new things will make you more knowledgeable, more interesting and keep your mind sharp.  This can also be tied in with achieving goals because learning a specific topic could be a personal goal of yours.  Take up piano, learn Italian, whatever you want to do, just get to it!  I’m not too worried about this though, if you’ve made it this far down one of my monster articles, you obviously are interested in bettering yourself.

Positive Reinforcement – I didn’t realize I did this until one of my friends commented on it.  I always step back from whatever I’ve done and make a comment that is somewhere along the lines of “I am the shit.”  I may not say it out loud, but I guess you can tell that I am approving of my own work by the way I step back and look at it.  Looking at things you have done and seeing that it was great will reinforce your skills positively.

Surround Yourself with Good People – You need to be in the company of the best.  Successful people have a knack for surrounding themselves with truly great people.  If you have good people around you, then, as a group, you will be an unstoppable force.  You will do exciting and great things and you won’t fail in the things you want to do.  You should also be the leader of your group.  Be the one that makes the plans, drives to wherever you are all going, has his house as the meeting place and calls the shots.  To establish yourself as a leader, you should always be the one to make the plans and then you should keep the details to yourself and just take care of matters, I think I might write more about this in the future.  Now you are the leader of a group of highly confident and capable people, making you a very powerful man.

Posture – Posture is key.  Without good posture, no matter how confident you are, you will physically appear less confident.  Sit up, keep your head up, walk smoothly with your hands at your side, keep your hands out of your pockets, ect.  Pretty much, what you are going for here is James Bond.  Everything he does, he does confidently.  You never see James Bond reaching his hand out to do something and have any hesitation.  He does things, clear cut and he walks, stands and sits with confidence, always.  Notice people around you, ask yourself if they look confident and why or why not.  Try to adopt the confident traits you see in others.

Time – Spend time, a lot of time on what I have laid out here.  If you honestly take what I have put here to heart and spend time on yourself, your reward will be priceless.  It will take a lot of effort and time, but please, for you, put the time in to do this.  And of course, if you do something, do it right.  Don’t cut corners, see it through.

Let me know how you guys do with this!  And as always, have fun!

“Winners don’t think… they just do” is the statement that inspired me to make this website.  There are many people who disagree with this statement and I look forward to seeing what people have to say about this.

My motto here is pretty much saying that whenever possible, I will use my aggressive gut instinct and take opportunities that may have the ordinary man second guessing.  This was originally made to be applied to women but I think it can be used for so much more.  Now, obviously, you cannot just blindly make decisions every time; that would be just ridiculous.  But I have found that the majority of successful people, not just with women, make more gut decisions than the unsuccessful.  They do so because they keep record of past events in the back of their minds and learn from the past.  They are not so much making blind decisions as making quick decisions based on past experiences.  These gut instincts will come out fast and there will be no second guessing, but if asked why they made such a decision they will most likely quote a situation similar to that which is on hand.

There is no doubt in my mind that this motto can and will bite you in the ass from time to time.  But, it is more than likely that if you think about things to long, you could convince yourself not to do whatever it is that your were debating when the outcome could have been positive.  Now, a couple questions immediately arise.  How do I know that the outcome would have been positive?  If you think about it long and hard about something, wouldn’t my decision be more logical in the end?

There are a lot of thing that just aren’t logical.  I’m not saying you should gamble all your money away on a whim, I’m assuming you have the intuition to throw the truly stupid ideas out without any hesitation.  But when faced with a true decision, usually the more aggressive decision will yield the results.  Aggressive go getters have always been the top dogs in business and with women.

Someone Says: Would you like to go sky diving with me this weekend?
I am deathly afraid of heights, when will you pick me up?

Someone Says: I know just the girl for you, should I hook you two up?
That sounds great.

Someone Says: I take Ju-Jitsu classes, they’re awesome.
You think I can sign up?

The winner thinks: What should I do this weekend?
He ends up in Canada because that is what came to his mind.

The winner thinks: I’m going to go get that girl.
He does so; there are no doubts in his mind.

I realize these examples seem somewhat juvenile, but you have to look at it as a life style more than anything else.  Life is collection of experiences, so have as many as you can.  There is no time to fear.  There is no time to care if that girl is going to shut you down or not.  If you walk up there without thinking twice, she’ll probably be interested.  Even if she isn’t, who gives a shit, honestly, walk it off and find another one, don’t read into it.

Here is my crash course on what a conversation should consist of:

• Eye Contact – Nothing shows confidence like eye contact.  Nothing is as awkward as talking to someone who does not look you in the eye.
• Confidence – Here is an article I wrote on confidence.  It is long, but I think it is worthwhile.
• Smile – Nothing shows confidence like smiling… and eye contact and no one wants to be talking to someone who is mundane and emotionless.  Try to work on this in the mirror, a lot of people’s smiles look fake, now that could make a conversation awkward quick.  So make sure you have a good smile that slowly takes over your whole face, don’t just whip it out as quick as you can.  Let it slowly fill up.  Think about smiling with your eyes too, that might sound ridiculous, and it’s tough for me to explain but I’m sure you know what it looks like when someone’s eyes are filled with happiness.  If you can portray happiness with your facial expression, you will portray and be confident which makes the party to which you are speaking more confident in you and the conversation at hand.
• Slow Down – Literally.  Slow it down.  Make sure you think about what you’re going to say before you say it.  If things seem to come out choppy or the wrong way a lot for you, you are going too fast.  I used to do this when I was very young, it is easier than you think to fix.  You are anxious to say something so you just start talking without having a game plan.  Do not worry about taking a second or two to think about what you are going to say next, believe me, it will go unnoticed and before you know it you won’t notice it either.  Get your game plan in order first, and then say what you want to say clearly and loudly, which brings me to my next point.
• Be Loud – You don’t have to shout, but since you have taken a second to put together your thoughts, don’t be afraid to let them be heard.  Get your game plan, speak clear, and speak loud.
• Be Animated – Talk like an Italian!  Moves those hands, but don’t be ridiculous and try to keep the sound effects to a minimum.  This is a good one to hold off on for a bit if you are not sure exactly where the happy medium is.  Keep your eyes open and try to be more attentive to other people you deem successful that are using their bodies to emphasize what they are saying.  Once you feel you have a good idea of where you should be, and then implement, you’ll be pleasantly surprised how much this adds to a conversation and it will lead you right to my next point.
• Physical Contact – BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THIS!  Definitely hold off on this one, even if you feel like you know what you’re doing.  Again, be attentive to other people see as successful using touch in their conversation, it is usually not very often with casual conversation but can be very powerful.  Stay away from wrists and obviously other inappropriate places.  Hands are tough to judge as well, it would probably have to do something with the conversation for you to be touching her hands.  The most effective physical contact will be a light touching of her arm with an open hand using the very tips of your fingers most commonly used while laughing with your body slightly leaning toward her, as if slightly incapacitated by the laughter.  Another common use of physical contact is the shoulder hold.  This can be used if consoling her about something as a physical message saying “I’m sorry to hear that, it will be ok, and I’m here to talk if you would like.”  Or after a teasing joke as if to say “now you wouldn’t… whatever you were talking about here.”  Again, touching can be very dangerous and if you see any physical signs that she is pulling away stop immediately, if you push physical contact you will come across as a creep.
• Physical Contact with a Stranger – Sounds fun right?  This is a nice little way to start some sparks with someone before you have even talked to them I thought I’d throw in here.  Just brush a nice looking girl and make some nice eye contact after.  If a pretty girl is in your way, put your hand on her shoulder gently to get her attention and say “excuse me,” but hold that hand there a little longer than you would a man and when you take it off, slowly slide it off (not sliding to far of course) . This will make it have some pretty solid sexual undertones.  If you get a nice smile back then you can start talking to her.  About what thought?  Read on.
• Be Alert to Physical Messages – This is definitely a tough topic that can be infinitely expanded on, and that you will get better at with some time and practice.  You really just want to try and see through people.  Try to pick up on the little physical nuances that anyone portrays in different circumstances.  Would you say that person is uncomfortable?  Why or why not?  What would you say that person is feeling?  Why?  Or, she just scratched her upper arm and looked down, what could that mean?  Maybe she is embarrassed or uncomfortable about what we are talking about, either way, I should change the topic.  Hopefully you see how this can be an extremely useful tool to have.  Unfortunately, this is going to vary from case to case and I feel like you are only going to really become good with it if you practice it a lot and are actively trying to decode these physical messages in all sorts of social circumstances.

Have you noticed that I have written all this and still have not even touched upon the actual verbal conversation yet?  I didn’t realize until I really started to analyze this stuff that so much of conversation is non-verbal.  Two people can be saying the exact same thing and one will be very interesting while the other seems like he or she is just rambling on.  Master the above techniques and conversation will become easier.  Then use it in conjunction with the below techniques and you will be comfortable talking to anyone in any circumstance.  Now for the verbal conversation guidelines:

• Get the Name and remember it! – You need to get that name anchored with that face.  When you are introduced to someone, say their name right back to they.  “Hello Sam, it’s nice to meet you.”  Look them right in the eyes and take a couple seconds to say their name five times in your head.  Nothing is more welcoming then someone who remembers your name.
• Be Interested in the Other Person – Be more interested in them then you.  Pretend you are going to take a test on this person after you are done talking to them and your teacher is a bitch who quizzes you on all the little details.  When you listen to someone else talk, you will hear these little details, they are gold my friend.  Everyone drops little hints on where they want the conversation to go.  Pay close attention and see if you can find these little hints, then ask about them.You: Damn, it’s raining hard out there.
  Her: Yeah!  My poor little shoes are going to be ruined!
  or
  Her: Yeah, what happened to summer?  I don’t know when I’ll get to play tennis!

  Here you can see that the topic you should peruse is shoes and tennis.  Sorry mate, you’re going to have to get interested in shoes quick if you want to entertain this gal, I’d go for the athletic one myself.  This is an obvious example just to show you what I am talking about.  You won’t necessarily get goldmines like these in the opening sentences of many conversations.
  If you can’t seem to find these little topics then use the question “why.”  Ask why about whatever.  Or, “how do you feel about…”  Try not to ask for factual things about factual things, we want feelings here.  You can look up facts on Wikipedia later, let’s find out how this person feels about the topic and why.  Be critical, but never harsh.  Be critical as if you would not have thought about it that way and you are intrigued to see why they think this way.  This is another one of those things you are going to have to just practice a lot.  So keep alert!  Keep searching for these little details.

• Keep up to date with current events – A lot of your conversation will be on current events.  You don’t want to look like a fool when someone starts talking about the hot news and you have absolutely no clue what they are talking about.  Also, current events are always great things to start talking about with anyone when you run out of things to talk about.

I know what you’re thinking.  That’s all he is going to say about verbal conversation?!?!?  Yes it is.  If you follow these guidelines, you will not have a problem having conversations anywhere with anything.

The last issue I want to address is the amount of material here.  There is no way that you jump into a conversation later today or tomorrow and flawlessly implement everything I just say.  It took me quite awhile to even realize all of this was going on in conversation.  Go in order.  Focus on eye contact until it is second nature, then move onto smiling, ect.  I want you to focus on these guidelines until you do them by nature because if you have a regular person’s brain, you cannot keep all of this on your mind and still be paying enough attention to the conversation to not look like a complete space cadet.  So take it easy, take it slow and do it right, you’ll thank me later.

The key in becoming less shy is the same as anything… practice.  Nothing comes without practice.  “How come I have to practice when other people were just naturally outgoing?” They did practice.  Every time you were being shy, they were socializing and socializing is the only way you are going to be comfortable socializing.  Whether you are shy with men and women, or just women, you have to practice what you are bad at.

This will be uncomfortable at first!  But, you have to get out there.  Talk to everyone.  Say the most random thing that comes to your mind.  Embarrass yourself!  Embarrass yourself until you cannot be embarrassed anymore.  Maybe that is what puts me ahead of other people, I embarrassed myself in so many ways when I was younger, I guess I am immune to it now.  I’m almost never uncomfortable.

There are some occasions that will be out of the ordinary.  Maybe an ex-girlfriend or a girl that shut you down once upon a time.  I’m going to say this, but you have to think about this the right way or you will seem like a sexist ass.

You have to realize that they are not as good as you.

You have to realize you are exceptional, you know it.  When you have this attitude, you will suddenly not care what other people think of you.  Now, this has exceptions because you should definitely care what your good friends think of you.  Hopefully they will give their honest opinion of you and that will help you better yourself, but more on that later.  The bottom line is that you are the shit.  If you don’t believe that, then you better start finding a way to prove it to yourself, do something crazy, pickup an extreme sport, something out of the ordinary.  Join some groups, get out there.  Go places with your friends and just start talking to people (go places your interested in so the conversation will be interesting and fluid for you).  If you don’t have friends, go find some using the same technique.