Don't Think, Just Do

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is focusing on the initiation of the conversation with a woman to much.  Obviously it is important, but it should be more natural than some make it.  Some try to use a “canned” routine or a pickup line.  This may have success for some people, and I know there are a lot of people out there that are advocating “canned” material for this.  Personally, I think this is just plain stupid, you’re pretty much putting on an act to get a girl?  That doesn’t seem right.  Let’s see how we can start great conversations with girls (or anyone for that matter) the natural way.

When I am starting a conversation with someone I have not met, I do it the same exact way I would with someone I’ve known my whole life.  I make the assumption that whomever it is that I want to talk to is a friendly person.  Now, that is not always the case and you will sometimes get the cold shoulder, but don’t let it get you down, they probably weren’t someone you wanted to talk to anyway.  If I’m at the gym I might comment on some guy that is lifting weights like a maniac, just like I would with my friends.  You talk to your friends in a matter of fact fashion, people are comfortable doing this.  You don’t want to just go up to a girl and start asking her touchy feely questions, although some opinion questions can be good.  Talk to her like a friend, comment on something, and ask her what she thinks about something (is she drinking an exotic drink? Should you get one?).  Just pick something relevant and say something about it.  Which brings me to my next point…

Try not to put too much stress on the beginning of conversations.  For the most part it doesn’t even matter what you say as long as it’s not ridiculous.  Usually by the end of the conversation I could not tell you how it started, I had either forgotten or plainly didn’t care.  Once the encounter has matured into a conversation you and your partner will not remember or care how it started.

If you encounter someone who is not friendly enough to partake in the conversation you are trying to start, don’t fret.  I bet there are plenty of times that if someone were to start talking to you, you would simply blow them off.  People are not always in good moods and people are not always friendly in general.  You are not going to have perfect batting average here (you might have a low batting average depending on where you live actually).  So just don’t let it get to you, play the numbers game, or the shotgun effect, whatever you want to call it.

I don’t know how many articles have a paragraph like this one but I’m going to repeat myself.  You need to practice this.  You are not going to just be a master of starting conversations from the starting line.  In fact, you’ll probably be pretty uncomfortable with it.  But let’s get you out of your comfort zone, which is where the most learning is.  So get out there and try this!  Often!  Also, remember two more things.  This is a skill that is not only good for finding new dates, but is an extremely good skill to have in the business world, being a people person in the business world will bring you to a whole new level.  Secondly, once you start your conversation just follow The Conversation Model.